


time heals all and none

by augustnights



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, I'm Sorry, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mutual Pining, Shrieking Shack, Sirius Black is a Little Shit, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29854695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/augustnights/pseuds/augustnights
Summary: -In hindsight, Sirius Black was a ticking time bomb. The only real mystery was what was going to set him off. No one expected Severus Snape's cheap jab to send him whirling.-Remus Lupin, yet again, is forced to face the serious mental repercussions of Sirius' stupidity. But, this time, he isn't sure he's able to overlook this.-
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 3





	1. Remus // sticks and stones

**Author's Note:**

> There are no specific trigger warnings for this chapter, however, be mindful of the tags. This story is going to be focusing on Remus' point of view after the Shrieking Shack incident. No pitying Sirius in this fic, bitches.
> 
> -
> 
> I'm sorry I actually began this at 3 am? I didn't reread it and have no idea if it's decent.

Perhaps he was dead. Although it was quite unlikely for a fifteen-year-old to go into cardiac arrest, he wouldn't put it past the wolf. The ringing in his ear started immediately after James spoke, gradually getting louder and louder as if an entire ensemble was protecting him from the news. Laying on the slightly uncomfortable cot, his face bandaged up tightly, he only heard bits and pieces of dialogue from those surrounding his bed. The loudest of all, as if his ears were honing in on the radio wave of James Potter, was his friend's shaky voice.

"Remus? Can you hear me?" Maybe his voice was but a sweet nectar, curing the oncoming wave of tinnitus he was clearly developing. He nodded as best as he could, with the restrictive bandages, and his throat began to close. Was he also having an allergic reaction? Maybe the tinnitus was a side effect. The tears beginning to form at the corners of his eyes were probably a symptom as well. Remus knew for a fact he wasn't allergic to any Muggle medicine, damn the fancy research Pomfrey does. It was probably just a bad moon, causing him to need a stronger counter to the pain.

"Please. Just, leave me alone for a minute?" His voice seemed to speak, hoarse from the choking feeling he was now feeling both in his chest and throat. His subconscious was on fire, in complete confusion of the situation. Why did he want to be left alone? Immediately, his brain converged and rationalized as his eyes drifted to the cot only a few feet to the left of him. Remus only saw a glance, between the huddled adults, of Severus Snape sitting on it. He was shaking, why was he shaking? As Snape's black eyes met Remus' own, he seemed to grow even paler and shake even harder, if that was even possible.

Remus was not dim-witted, in fact, he considered himself to be quite intelligent. So through the emotional haze of his mind, the logician trapped above knocked open the floodgates as everything connected. His mind seemed to chant three phrases. "Sirius Black", then "Severus Snape", and then the final tie "Shrieking Shack." As he wracked his brain to find the connection to these seemingly unrelated subjects, James' words came back to him.

"There was an accident..." Oh. He froze, well he was not moving due to his current immobility, but nonetheless time seemed to slow. A board entered his mind, akin to those on the shitty crime movies his mum would watch, the red yarn connecting to one another to form the big picture. Oh. By then, the only thing remaining in his mind was the simple question of, why? In the corner of his eye, he saw the commotion as Snape was led out of the room by Dumbeldore, who shockingly actually looked furious. Then, the only one left standing in the room was James. Remus winced as he sat up slowly and James rushed to his side. He waved him off.

"James, I'd think it best if you left," His voice was tactfully cold, quite shockingly so for the high amount of anger and despair coursing through his veins. Maybe he was being overly dramatic, but at this current point in time, he clearly wasn't as thorough with his choice of word.

"Remus-" James began but was quickly interrupted.

"Please, just. Just go," Remus' eyes turned softly towards his friend, recognizing the change in James' normal personality. The tone of practically begging Remus to allow him to be by his side was so out of the normal realm of possibility that on a different day he would've caved immediately. He watched as James' doe-like eyes lost some of their natural charisma and he winced. James nodded and stepped out of the hospital ward.

Remus slowly and carefully, wary of his injuries, sat up. Moving eventually towards standing so he could hobble over to the mirror recently installed to survey the damage. He presumed this moon was an especially difficult once, with Snape just outsid- no. He couldn't think about it, yet. He cleared his mind into a blank and purely doctoral state. Remus let out a quiet gasp as he saw the bandages surrounding his head. Flashes of the night returned to him, the yearning to leave the enclosure of the shack. The scent of something new, something even the wolf knew to hate. Slowly, he unraveled the bandages to see three long claw marks indented into his face. Bile rose in his stomach as he stared at the fresh wounds marring his previously untouched face. Everyone would know. The longest of the three, began at his left temple, across the bridge of his nose, and ending at the side of his chin. The second, on the right side of his face from his cheek to the side of his nose, this one considerably less deep. The third, a shallow cut from his jaw to the base of his neck.

He moved as quickly as he could, to an empty cauldron at the corner of the room. Remus leaned over and dry heaved into the cauldron, nothing yet in his stomach to vomit. He wiped the corner of his mouth, out of habit rather than need. It was only then when the events finally hit him. He sunk to the floor, his head hanging between his knees, careful not to injure himself more.

Sirius Black had finally gone too far.


	2. Remus // foggy mind, heavy heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -  
> Since this is my first story I've actually published, be mindful of the fact that I'm completely rubbish at dialogue. This story will mostly be thoughts, it's hard as fuck to create a realistic dialogue that's not awkward nor over-dramatic. So, bear with me here.

Remus truly believed he had experienced everything, as naive teenagers tend to do. But for some reason, he never foresaw his face being torn apart. It was a major oversight, but he just seemed to presume his face was virtually untouchable by the wolf. Remus thought he knew everything, always top of his class and with an ability to always see the big picture. He never foresaw this. 

It wasn't that Sirius was his best friend. No, he was well aware of where he stood in the hierarchy of the Marauders. Maybe on a good day, he was a rung above Pete, but Remus understood that it was James and Sirius against the world. There was always something different about his relationship with Sirius, and it was only in his summer before fifth year when he finally understood. 

He had returned home for summer break, missing his mother dearly. Whilst he was home, he reconnected with some of his old primary school mates, and they galavanted across the Welsh countryside. Once, after a particularly bad moon, his newfound mates were moving far too quickly on their various modes of transportation. Being either a bicycle or a skateboard, for the cooler folks of the group. A quieter lad named Bedo tagged along beside him. Or, at least, that's what Remus thought his name was. In the little gossip he heard, he discovered that it was a nickname created by some assholes that just stuck. They spoke about simple things, such as what books they were reading or planning to. The real excitement began when they snuck away from the group.

"Where exactly are we going?" Remus asked, ever the curious bloke. 

"You'll see," Bedo replied, with a shit-eating grin plastered across his rather plain features. Remus didn't mind the plainness and felt rather akin to it. Bedo was short, but at this point, Remus was practically taller than everyone at a staggering five foot eleven and still growing. He had a sharp Grecio-Romanic nose, with soft almond brown eyes and longer straight blonde hair. Bedo led them down a long and twisting path, into a large forested area. Remus quickly pegged the location they were heading toward, from the sound of rushing water beating against rock. They hopped off their bikes and stepped into the small clearing, revealing the secret spot to Remus.

"Wow," He breathed out, while catching his breath. They stood before a quite beautiful scene, with large moss covered rocks leaning against each other leaving only a small amount of room for the river above to come rushing through. White water cascaded down the rock, dropping into a rushing river, or rather a larger stream. 

"You hav't seen nuthin yet," Bedo grabbed his hand, sending a rather confusing shock down his spine. Remus wasn't the biggest fan of physical affection. He led the two of them quickly across the water, hopping stones and wading through it with their trousers pulled up to their thighs. Remus was thankful for Bedo's one track mind, he wasn't particularly in the mood to explain the long white scars tracking all across his calves and thighs. They climbed up the slippery wet limestone, until they reached the spanse of rock just before the water. Remus was beginning to grow worried, his mind racing with the possibiltes of slipping and falling to his imminent death. But, he swallowed them down in fear of being called a wuss. It was only then when Bedo turned around, the widest smile he'd seen yet on the happy boy.

"Found this bad boy wit my mates a summer or two ago," He stated rather proudly, Remus noted. Bedo then turned on his heels quickly, causing Remus' stomach to clench in worry of witnessing his demise. Then he stepped into the waterfall and Remus took in a sharp breath. Bedo disappeared and he stood in wonder. Then, logic kicked in as his head popped out, just behind the waterfall. Remus let the grin itching at the corners of his mouth free as a hand shot out to lead him inside and he took it. He was pulled inside, slightly stumbling and once he entered the cave behind the water, completely falling on top of poor Bedo.

They both burst out into laughter, rolling off of each other and looking around. Fortunately, the moss and assorted fungi cushioned their descent. It was quite serene, the dark and damp cave, the sound of water rushing down ahead of them. Remus turned his head towards Bedo, noticing his eyes already on his own. 

"This is brillant, Bedo. Bloody maginificent," He put his hands behind his head and sighed loudly. They fell into a comfortable silence, the only noises to be heard being the water and the light sound of the other person breathing. When he opened his eyes once again, he turned to the side presumably at the same time Bedo did. They spent a moment just looking at each other before Remus flushed and averted his gaze. The comfortable silence was no more, tension began to brew and Remus couldn't identify the source.

"You're queer aren't cha?" Bedo broke the silence and Remus shot up into a sitting position, his eyes wild and confused.

"What?" He choked on his words, perhaps putting on a believing show but also knowing better.

"You like blokes," Bedo rolled his eyes furthering Remus' panicked state, "it's alrite mate, I'm not telling no one,". But, there was nothing to tell. Remus was straight. Or, at least he was quite sure he was. He found girls at his school attractive, Marlene McKinnon was quite a stunner. Then, he thought harder. His panic worsened and Bedo looked at him strange. "Oh shite, you didn't know?" Remus shook his head before placing it in his hands. A comforting hand rested on his back, and suprisingly he didn't flinch away. "Us queers gotta stick together,". His head shot to look at Bedo, in a new light. Oh. Well, he guessed it probably made sense.

Remus and Bedo began frequenting their little hiding spot, so often that it was almost twice a week. They were fourteen, and with minimal other options their friendship grew into something more. It was a simple summer fling, and they both understood that in the long run they were quite incompatiable. His mother once said that they were kindred souls, which Remus passed off as one of her strange terms. It was that summer when Remus understood that he was queer. 

But it was only September, about a week into their schooling, when Remus began to look at Sirius in a new light. Sirius was a very touchy person, he always had been since he recieved minimal physical affection in his formative years. However, each time he touched Remus even in the smallest ways, a shock went down his spine. The closest feeling he could relate it to, was how he felt when Bedo first touched him. 

-

It seems like that time was years in the past, when it had only been months. Everything seemed to have changed so rapidly and wildly. Just three days prior, Sirius and Remus were sitting in their dorm in comfortable silence. Remus, smoking a cigarette and Sirius setting up his new record player.

Remus mentally created a new calender, akin to the Muggles "B.C." and "A.C." jargon. There was the Before, and the After. Three days After, Madam Pomfrey finally released him from the hospital wing, as if she was even keeping him there in the first place. Did she think he wished desperately to return to his dorm? With him? She must've been out of her mind. Nevertheless, he was basically kicked from spending anymore time in there. Fine, he thought to himself bitterly, if thats whats needed of me. 

Upon his release, he performed these chores in this exact order. Walking briskly through the shadows, avoiding detection, and checking out a book from the fiction section of the library. Finding an alcove on his map he had created the week before, he opted to wait to show it to his mates and boy was he glad now. Making himself as comfortable as possible on the hard stone, and wasting away hours immersed in the book.

When he finally tore his eyes away from the pages, the strain on them becoming too much, he noticed the hallways were only illuminated by candlelight. He lifted his sore bum, slowly and relatively soundlessly creeping up the moving stairs towards Gryffindor Tower. Since his stay in the hospital, he knew he wouldn't be returning to the dormitory. McGonagall denied his request for a change in rooms, so he opted to be present as little as physically possible. He looked down at his wrist, where a charmed watch showed the time. It was just past three in the morning, and he was relatively sure no one would be awake. He whispered the password to a groggy Fat Lady and quickly crept his way into the dorm. As he suspected, Peter and James were fast asleep. However, when he painfully dragged his gaze over to Sirius' bed, he was nowhere to be found.

Shrugging, he quickly packed his meager belongings into a box he took from under his bed and made a quick exit. He exited the room, careful to make as minimal amount of noise as possible. When he turned around, he came face to face with a mishappen Sirius Black. Their eyes connected and they both froze. Sirius opened his mouth, most likely to make the most half assed apology possible, but Remus pushed pass him.

"Moony-" His voice croaked after him, and tears welled in Remus' eyes. Fuck. He let all of the anger fuel him for the past few days, anger was so much easier than sadness. Remus tore down the stairs, no longer worried about his peers sleep. He heard faint footsteps behind him, but knew there was no chance Sirius could catch up to him. He tore across Hogwarts, without running into a single patroller in a stroke of luck. He finally slowed his pace once he reached one of many abandoned classrooms. This one, he knew had a sofa laying there waiting for him. If he was able to sleep at all.

Remus resolved that he would never feel pity for Sirius. Anger was easier than empathy.


End file.
